Life Uncertain
by Heya4evver
Summary: This is something a little different. I'm taking my life and my interactions with this one girl, but changing all the characters to fit Brittana. I don't know how it's going to end, but I promise a good story. The premise is that Brittany and Quinn are friends, and Brittany has a huge crush on Quinn's older sister Santana.
1. Chapter 1: The sister

**Hey guys sorry about my other story, life just kind of happened. Just a note about this story, its my life, set to Brittana, so I don't know where its going but I promise a good story. I decided that I would be Brittany since my name is Britt and the rest just fit together. Britt and Quinn are 8th graders, Santana is a Junior in high school (11th grader). Hope you enjoy!**

It hit me like a truck. In that instant, I knew. I remembered. And I felt so blind. Of course I was in love with Santana. It just made sense. She was everything.

I tore my gaze from her captivating, dark eyes and her enchanting smile and turned to give Quinn a hug.

Quinn and I had been friends since the first grade, and she was one of the few who stuck beside me a few months ago when I came out as a lesbian. I was at her house now because we had decided to form a band with a few other friends. I played the drums, she played the piano, my friend Mercedes played the guitar, and my friend Rachel sang. Despite our close friendship, I hadn't been at Quinn's house since before I knew I was gay. Since I came out, I've discovered a lot of crushes that I never knew I had, but seeing her sister Santana made everything click into place. I had always admired Santana, ever since I met her in 3rd grade at a sleepover. She was sweet, and funny, and crazy beautiful. I didn't realize them how I really felt, and after I came out, I suppose she slipped my mind.

But now she was the only thing there was. The only person there was.

From the other side of the room, she gave me a dazzling smile and a wave and walked away, not realizing the effect she had on me. I must have stood there for a full ten seconds, heart pounding, staring at the place where she left.

"Britt? You coming?" Quinn was already halfway up the stairs.

"Yeah" I answered, blinking away my surprise at what I'd just realized. I headed up the stairs and sat down at the drums, still dazed.


	2. Chapter 2: A Chorus Line

As weeks passed, I would see her sometimes. She was there most weekends when the band practiced. I would always ask Quinn if she was there, trying to be casual about it, but pretty much failing. Whenever she was there, I would make some excuse to see her, saying I was thirsty and could we please go downstairs to get a drink. We would talk, me and San, and I lived for the moments when I managed to make her laugh. It was my favorite sound.

One day I found out that Santana, being the miraculous person that she was, was going to be playing Dianna Morales in the High School's rendition of A Chorus Line. That Friday, I went with my family to see the show.

Quinn had told me that Santana was going to be singing 2 songs, Nothing, and What I Did For Love. For the entire show, I watched her. Even when she was just standing in the background, my eyes were on her.

And then she sang. And I was blown away.

I know that people say that, but I watched the girl I loved belt out her soul to a room full of people. To me. And it was beautiful. Her voice dipped and slid through the notes, her hands and face projected her every emotion. She sang about love and I died. My heart stopped beating, all the better to hear her sing.

I felt as though I was witnessing some sort of Heaven. Like some higher power, maybe God, was putting her in front of me and telling me, "Her. This is the one".

After I got home the phone rang. It was Quinn. She had called to invite me to A Chorus Line tomorrow with her and her family and sleep over afterwards. Of course I said yes.

After I got the OK from my parents, I texted Quinn for hours. By this point, she was nothing if not aware of my crush on Santana. I asked her if it bothered her, and she said no, so I was all set.

When we were texting I had an idea. I asked Quinn to give me her sister's phone number. When she did, I sent Santana a text:

B: You're an amazing singer

S: Thanks! But who is this?

I told her that I was her secret admirer. Of course, she tried to figure out who I was, asking me questions, but other than that, we had amazing conversation. Everything we said, I would in turn text to Quinn, so she could know what was going on. When the night was over, I was falling even harder and faster than before.


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome home

The next day I went to the show and I heard Santana sing again. I wanted to preserve the moment forever. I wanted to spend my eternity sitting in that seat, listening to her show me herself. It was magical, and I was sad when it ended.

Since that was her last matinee performance, all the cast members came out afterwards and San's dad gave her flowers.

She hugged me. I had forgotten how short she was, and once again, I was wishing I could freeze time. She let go of the embrace however, and turned to her family, while I watched, helpless. She was wearing this blue dress that looked gorgeous on her.

At that moment, my friend Sam, who's a senior, walked up to me. Sam is a friend from summer camp, who is actually bisexual. He has actually admitted to having a crush on me, which is totally fine and all that drama was months ago.

Looking back, I feel bad for him, because even though I was glad to see him, I was entirely focused on the girl in blue.

When we got back to Quinn's house that night, she and I went down to that basement and talked. I waited and waited for San to come home and finally, at around 12:30 am, we heard footsteps upstairs.

Quinn called up to her and she came down to say hi. Santana was hilarious. She told us about how she and her friend hot out of the car and layed down in the middle of the road just because they could. We all talked and laughed, and the time was precious, so I was sad when she yawned and headed back upstairs to get some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Pancakes

The next morning Quinn and I woke up first so we made pancakes for when Santana and her friend Sugar woke up. As we crept through the living room where they were sleeping, my eyes found her still form, lying on the couch, fast asleep, her raven hair scattered around her face. She was beautiful.

When she eventually awoke, she joined Quinn, their dad and I at the table and I felt like I was a part of the family. The whole time, I was a bit nervous, hoping I wouldn't say or do something to give myself away as the secret admirer, but she was oblivious.

A few days after that, I got a text from Santana saying that she didn't feel comfortable texting me not knowing who I was. After she said that, I couldn't deny her. So I said that I was at her house the other day, that I slept over there and that me and Quinn made pancakes for her in the morning. She replied with:

S: Oh! I'm so glad I know you well enough that it's not weird!

By now my heart was pounding with nerves. To be honest, I was slightly embarrassed. The amazing thing is that from that point on, we were friends.. It wasn't weird. She accepted my compliments and I was honest about how much she meant to me. About a week later, me and San were still texting and I got a text from Quinn that said:

Q: Can I tell you a secret?

I got really excited because I'm an amazing secret keeper. I promised not to tell anyone, and she told me that she thought she was bisexual.

I was a little nervous for some reason, but I asked all the right questions and she was very sure about it. So I asked her if she had a crush on a girl. She said yes, but she wouldn't tell me who.

Now I wasn't going to ask her if it was me, because I'd hate it if someone asked me that, but I did make a mental note to be more cautious about what I said and did around Quinn; I didn't want to break her heart.


	5. Chapter 5: Shit gets complicated

**Hey guys! I was totally blown away by all the favorites and follows so thank you all for supporting my story. I know that the chapters are short, but its easier that way and I promise quick updates. I'm thinking maybe I will wait for each chapter to get at least three reviews before I post the next one, so that's up to you. You can just say if you enjoyed it and maybe comment on my crazy life. Love you guys!**

Time passed. A real friendship grew between Santana and I, and I enjoyed every second of it. It was miraculous, like we were the same person. We liked the same actors, watched the same TV shows, and we always had similar little quirks. Needless to say, I kept falling.

One day I went to a slumber party for Mercedes's birthday and we all went around the circle saying who we had a crush on. I talked about Santana and how wonderful she was.

Then it was Quinn's turn. She was very nervous, she kept her face buried in her knew and a realization settled over me.

We'd had a school dance the night before and I'd danced with her. I did it to show "gay pride" but also partly because I was a little sad that I couldn't dance with my crush.

Quinn was still really nervous so I suggested that instead of saying the name, she could just say a clue that made it obvious. I saw her take a deep breath, and then she said:

"I slow danced with her last night."

The rest of the room was confused, because they'd been else where at the time, but Mercedes looked right at me and gave me the tiniest nod and a reassuring smile. So I walked over to Quinn, knelt down and hugged her, whispering, "It's okay" into her ear. I sat back down, and that's when I remembered.

I felt like an awful friend. All this time Quinn had a crush on me, and I was gushing to her about her sister. I knew, I freaking suspected that she liked me but I still went ahead and told her about my dreams, and thoughts, and just… shit.

Despite all my guilt and confusion, I stayed her friend. I didn't let it change anything between us. We were friends, and I wasn't going to abandon her, especially not when I was sort of in the same situation.

When we went to school that Monday, it was sort of awkward, Quinn tried to avoid me a little, and I gave her some space. I could understand if she was embarrassed, or nervous, so I respected that and just kept quiet.

By Thursday though, I knew I needed to say something so at lunch I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if we could talk.

I could she that she was nervous, she was fidgeting with her fingers so I put my hands on her shoulders and I said:

"Quinn, I told you. It's okay. You don't need to be embarrassed, you don't need to stay away from me. You're my friend, and I'd like us to stay friends."

She let out a shaky "okay" and we rejoined the table.

After that, it was like nothing ever happened.

I'm still not sure whether that's what she wanted, but I wasn't in love with her so that was the best I could give her, friendship.

And I was the best damn friend in the world.


	6. Chapter 6: Guilt and Vacation

**Hey guys! I know it's been way too long and I apologize deeply, but I've been a bit busy, as you will soon find out. To clarify: Brittany is 14 and Santana is 17. Keep up the follows and reviews! You guys are awesome! **

The next day it was as if nothing had even happened. Quinn and I just went back to our normal routine. That's not to say that this whole ordeal hadn't affected me; I was having some trouble dealing with what to do, so I did what I always do. I talked to my mom.

I had come out to my parents a few weeks after telling my close friends, and they were totally cool. At first they didn't really react, because they thought I might be wrong, but recently we had been talking about it more, and I really needed help, so I told my mom the whole story.

I told her about my crush on Santana, and how I felt really guilty because of Quinn. She was very understanding, but when she spoke my heart sank down to my stomach.

"I think you should let go of Santana. It's not fair to Quinn; you need to try and move on." As soon as my mind comprehended those words, I felt my knees weaken and my head start spinning. Let go of Santana? Was that even possible?

I felt as though my world was crumbling around me as I tried to imagine living through the remainder of the year and the rest of my life without ever seeing her smile, or hearing her laugh, or reading her texts, and it hurt.

I felt tears slide down my cheeks as hopeless sobs started to wrack my body. My mom just held me close and rubbed my back as I cried.

Despite that conversation, despite my tears, I couldn't bring myself to change. I couldn't find the strength to let go of the magnificent girl that captivated me. So I didn't. I don't know if that makes me a bad friend, but I felt like this was one thing I deserved; to be friends with Santana.

You see, usually I am a very selfless person. I am always the one to give up my swing or my food or let someone else have the bigger piece. I always put other people's happiness in front of mine. But not with Santana. I was not going to let her go.

With nothing changed, but still a constant nagging sense of guilt in my head, I continued with my life. I was excited, because April break was coming up, and after that was the 8th grade trip to Washington, DC. I had been excited for this trip all year.

The Tuesday after April break, the entire grade would pile onto five Mercedes buses and drive the eleven hours from Concord, MA to the District of Columbia. There we would spend four days exploring the monuments and memorials, experiencing the awesomeness of our nation's capital.

Unfortunately, April break came first, and my family was driving up to Jay Peak, VT to ski. Although skiing is fun, I knew I would have trouble waiting for the trip.

Despite the irritating wait, break was still a blessing when it came, and once the car was packed up, we started the drive up to Vermont.

Right before I left, I sent Santana a text, begging her to keep me entertained for the four hour drive up.

She replied saying sure, but that she had to drive somewhere at the moment, and she would be right back.

After about a half hour into the drive, I was getting tired from the movement of the car, so I decided to take a nap. Tucking my phone firmly into my hand so that I would wake up when I received a text, I fell into a comfortable sleep.

After what was probably another half hour, I was awoken by the buzzing of my phone with a message from Santana, asking how the car ride was going.

I responded, and we kept going back and forth like that for the rest of the car ride. Along the way I got really bored while waiting for a text back, so I picked up a pen and tried to draw her. I used a picture from a leftover play program from A Chorus Line and tried to recreate her beauty on paper.

It was going well… until I got to her face. Faces are hard, and I had totally ruined the sketch, so I gave up and wrote a poem instead.

_Firebird rising in the darkest night_

_To share her light with the world_

_A ray of warmth, a beacon so bright,_

_It could even save a crumbling girl._

_Firebird loving with her heart so free,_

_A gorgeous smile upon her face,_

_She will never know how much she means to me,_

_The pain was gone without a trace._

So I'm obviously not a poet, but San thought it was sweet, and I tried. I kept texting back and forth, until finally, we arrived.


End file.
